Being vulnerable

Hi, my name is Karli and I have Crohn's disease. In case you don't know what Crohn's is, this is what Google said..."A chronic inflammatory bowel disease that affects the lining of the digestive tract." In other words, it wreaks havoc on your colon. I have chosen not to take the easy way out - taking a drug for the rest of my life and eating the same way I was before. I have chosen the hard way. The way that my body is healing itself from the inside out...by eating extremely healthy. 

Tonight though was one of those times where I literally wanted to scream because the pain was so bad. This disease is embarrassing to me on a certain level. My body is doing things that I can't control and I hate that. I have no issues talking about it with others....but when you can't control certain functions that's a whole other story. Many days I just want to be home but I can't. 

I have no clue how well my colon is doing. Part of me wants to find out, but the other part doesn't want to have to go through a colonoscopy...although I should probably get one done within the next few years. It's not the most pleasant experience I've ever been through. 

When I am in so much pain I tend to cry out to God why. Many times over He points me to Psalm 34, and tonight was no exception. The beginning of the chapter starts out with praise, which was the furthest thing from my mind. By the end of the chapter though His praise was continually on my lips. 

Today in Bible Study we read in Exodus 34 about Moses' face being radiant after He talked with God. Only one other Person was seen having a radiant face and that was Jesus Christ. When you read Psalm 34 though, as a believer, I have the opportunity to be radiant if I look to Him. I love the fact that God used pain to draw the parallel between these passages and be able to apply it to my life.

At the end of the chapter this verse comes along...."Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." It doesn't say that I won't have afflictions, but if I am found righteous in God's eyes, then the trials....and pain....I go through aren't gone through alone but with God beside me. There is rest on the other side and peace and that can only be found in Him alone. 

Tonight probably won't be the last time I feel that pain, but I know I can face it and weather the storm because of what Christ did on the cross for me. This is a day of celebration for Christians everywhere. Christ rose from the grave!!!! He is alive! I serve a risen Savior! When I get my eyes off of me and my pain/problems, I truly can praise the Lord for what He has done for me as well as will do for me and for who He is. The great I AM.

Perspective

"Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8

Perspective - what does that look like? For me personally, that's coming to an understanding of why I still have no direction for a job. Reading through the book of Job has been eye opening for me. Yes, I have read the book many times before, but never while I didn't have a job. Job and his friends were not looking at the big picture that God had. What happens to us and to others is all in God's great plan - whatever that may be. Me not having a job right now is part of God's big picture.

I don't understand how that all works and I'm not sure I want to as God's thoughts are so much higher than mine. Getting the focus off the fact that I don't have a job and need one and on the blessings that I'm being allowed to have poured out on me has changed my perspective. A close family friend is legally blind. He is not able to read anymore and so he has asked others to read books out loud to record so that he can read again. Yes, they do make audio books now, but not all the books he would like to read are audio books. While I have the extra time I'm able to record for him...and in turn be a blessing. Granted the books he wants read are over 400 pages long...but hey, I've got the time.

I'm also able to help a little with my brother and sister-in-law by being free to babysit my nephews. Not having a car has created a little problem, but my mom and sister-in-law are both willing to drive to drop off/pick up when needed.

This isn't the place I thought I would be in right now. I figured I'd take December off to spend time with family, search for a job, find one, and then move in January. Well, it's January already. I'm still spending time with family. I'm still searching for a job. I have not found one. I'm not moving anytime soon. I have come to a conclusion that I don't want a desk job. I'm good at it...so branching out has been a little scary for me...and still is. I don't want to go back to school...mainly because I don't have the money to do that right now. I have dreams, but don't know how to go about obtaining those dreams.

I was reading an article that stated it's ok that waiting on God is hard. The author finished the article by quoting 2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

What's going on in my head....

I have been struggling with being here at the orphanage. I have looked at tickets to come home early on more than one occasion. A feeling of restlessness has overcome me often. I thought I had no expectations coming into my trip, but I was very wrong.

I was reading in Psalms today and read Psalm 23. It’s a very familiar passage to any and everyone. It’s one that I tend to go quickly through…until today. After reading through it, I went back and reread verse five again. I decided to go online and find commentary that explains that verse more thoroughly. What I didn’t expect was to get “hung up” on verse one. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” I was reading Charles Spurgeon’s exposition on this chapter found here. Here are a few things that struck me dead between the eyes:

1. He (David) compares himself to a creature weak, defenseless, and foolish, and he takes God to be his Provider, Preserver, Director, and, indeed, his everything.

2. If he (the Lord) be a Shepherd to no one else, he is a Shepherd to me; he cares for me, watches over me, and preserves me. The words are in the present tense. Whatever the believer’s position, he is even now under the pastoral care of Jehovah.

3. I shall not want for spirituals, I know that his grace will be sufficient for me. Resting in him he will say to me, “As thy day so shall thy strength be.”

I cannot tell you why this has been hard for me. I know there is a spiritual battle going on and I am incredibly grateful that God is on the throne and He will prevail! I am not lacking for anything right now. God's grace is sufficient...and exactly what I need every. single. day.

It's been difficult not focusing on the same thing day in and day out. I am loving on these babies...and I love doing it. I need to focus on God and the cross instead of my circumstances. This can happen anywhere and as a believer I know it's happened before. It happened to me when I was in Hawaii. The grass is greener concept. Except for the fact that I don't have any green grass to go back to so to speak. What is 3 months compared to eternity? Absolutely nothing!

I have decided to stay the full 3 months. God is at work in my life. I don't know what will come of my staying and how God will work, but I know that by staying I'm not only allowing for blessings that otherwise would be withheld but I'm growing closer to my Lord.

This has been a hard post to write as my thoughts about this are so jumbled. The few I've sought wisdom from have had to bear with me while trying to sort my thoughts out. God bless them!!! God bless you for reading this messy post! Please keep me in your prayers - for grace, strength, humility, courage, and peace as I continue loving my babies.

Me and Eric chilling - he was kind of clingy to me that day and I didn't mind a bit.

Week 1 recap

It has been amazing seeing how God has orchestrated everything in my life in the last several months leading up to me coming to Amani. Now that I’m here, I’m asking myself…what now? I believe I had glorified working in an orphanage…when it’s not, especially with the babies. A typical day for me is going down to the nursery, playing with the babies until it’s time to feed, feed them milk, play with them some more until it’s time to feed again, feed them lunch, play with them until they get a bath and go down for a nap. In the afternoon I play with them until they are fed again…and then I’m normally off to do something with the older children.

This schedule can get tedious. I’m not complaining about it at all. I just thought I’d feel more used – I came on this volunteer trip and here I am to serve, see? Selfish indeed! It’s a slap in the face to those I’m ministering to. They don’t see the inner struggles I have. The mamas see someone come give of their time and energy to serve not only the children but them as well.

I went to a “bush” village this week. When we walked into the pastor’s house, the first thing I saw on their wall was a saying that God is faithful to me, so I need to be faithful in what He’s given me to do (more or less). Here’s a family who sleeps on the floor, does not have plumbing, spent at least 2 hours preparing a meal to share with us and what did I do in return? I played with the school kids, had an inner struggle because I was sweating running around, was put in front of a class not knowing a thing to teach them thinking – are we done yet? Spoiled brat I am!

I’m incredibly humbled by God’s faithfulness to me. His patience is beyond anything I can imagine. I’m thankful He is putting me in my place. This morning I read Romans 9. Verse 17 says, “For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.’” Pharaoh was just an instrument of God. He did what God wanted him to do. I am just an instrument of God. I am doing exactly what God wants me to do. I don’t know what purpose He has for what I’m doing, but it’s for His glory, not mine. God made me, who am I to question Him about what He wants me to do or why I don’t feel as if I’m making an impact. It’s not about me! In this chapter it likens that to a vessel asking the master potter why he was made like that.

I know you were probably expecting me to write all about the fun things I’m doing. I will get there, but this has been pressing on me all week long. Praise God for His patience with me and faithfulness to me while I trudge through the battles of my soul. Praise God for His victory over sin and this world!!!

And now, after all that heart heaviness, here’s a little cuteness to lighten the mood!

Meet my little man Joel

First few days...

These first few days I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. I thought about not writing this, but I want to be transparent and who knows, maybe the Lord can use this in your life.

I thought I came in with no expectations, but I was wrong. I was talking with one of the volunteers and was reassured that I’m not the only one who struggled with being here at the beginning. I keep asking if 3 months is too long. I’ve been very emotional since I got here and making a decision based on emotions is not a good idea.

I know that God has me here for a purpose and right now it’s difficult to trust in that. John 13:7 says “Jesus answered him (Peter), ‘What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.’” This particular verse in context is about Jesus washing the disciples’ feet and Peter was asking why the Lord was getting down doing this dirty job. I’m confused too why the Lord has me here. This brings to mind James 1:2-4, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

I’m going through this trial so that I can be made complete in Christ. It has nothing to do with me…I’m a selfish individual and if I had it my way would never have come here. Or I would have made sure I had all the details straight before hand. It’s a foreign country, things are done differently here…I know that. So, why am I expecting this place to be run as if we were still in America?

“Go with the flow, be flexible” is my mantra right now. I still don’t know everything I’m supposed to be doing or what expectations they have of me working with the babies. With that said, here are 10 reasons to stay for 3 months:

Joan (pronounced JoAnn)

Sarah

Mercy

Jane Pretty

Rosie

Ann

John

David

Alex

Jay

I will be dedicating one blog post to each of these precious babies.

Thank you if you are praying for me. As you can see above, I desperately need it! Please don’t feel sorry for me…I just wanted you to get a glimpse of the struggles I am battling right now and hopefully will be able to show how God will work in and through me in the very near future regarding this trial!

“No unbelief made him (Abraham) waver concerning the promise of God (that Abraham and Sarah would have a son), but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, full convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. That is why his faith was counted to him as righteousness.” Romans 4:20-22

Valuable Life?

Acts 20:24

Paul made this statement immediately after he said "the Holy Spirit testifies to me in every city that imprisonment and afflictions await me." In essence, Paul was throwing human caution to the wind and following exactly what the Lord wanted him to do. 

How many of us would willingly go when we knew we'd face hard times? How many of us go when we're told to not knowing what is going to happen? This is my prayer and plea these next few months as I go to Uganda. I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that I have a course to follow and finish - testifying to the gospel of the grace of God to those around me. 

I am not worthy, but may I strive to be like Christ, knowing that my heavenly Father sees Christ when He looks at me!

A Song of Praise to my God

1 Chronicles 16:8-36

Oh give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples!

Sing to him, sing praises to him; tell of all his wondrous works!

Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice!

Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!

Remember the wondrous works that he has done, his miracles and the judgments he uttered,

O offspring of Israel his servant, sons of Jacob, his chosen ones!

He is the LORD our God; his judgments are in all the earth.

Remember his covenant forever, the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations,

The covenant that he made with Abraham, his sworn promise to Isaac,

Which he confirmed as a statute to Jacob, as an everlasting covenant to Israel,

Saying, “To you I will give the land of Canaan, as your portion for an inheritance.”

When you were few in number, and of little account, and sojourners in it,

Wandering from nation to nation, from one kingdom to another people,

He allowed no one to oppress them; he rebuked kings on their account,

Saying, “Touch not my anointed ones, do my prophets no harm!”

Sing to the LORD, all the earth! Tell of his salvation from day to day.

Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples!

For great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and he is to be held in awe above all gods.

For all the gods of the peoples are idols, but the LORD made the heavens.

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his place.

Ascribe to the LORD, O clans of the peoples, ascribe to the LORD glory and strength!

Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name; bring an offering and come before him! Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness;

Tremble before him, all the earth; yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved.

Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice, and let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!”

Let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult and everything in it!

Then shall the trees of the forest sing for joy before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth.

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!

Say also: “Save us, O God of our salvation, and gather and deliver us from among the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name, and glory in your praise.

Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting!” Then all the people said, “Amen!” and praised the LORD.

Still Going

I saw a blog title the other day that caught my attention: God calls you to go even though you may not know where by Mark Altrogge. I feel as if I am right here...with Abraham. This was an excellent reminder to me that God is trustworthy and not knowing is a great place to be! Here is the short article for you to read....

By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. Heb 11:8-9 

Faith fuels obedience
God called Abraham to leave his homeland and go, not knowing where he was going. Abraham didn’t know how long it would take to get there or what he’d do when he arrived. He didn’t know what hardships he’d face along the way or what enemies he might encounter. All Abraham had to go on was God’s promise he would receive an inheritance. His faith that God would fulfill his word fueled his obedience.
The whole Christian life is going not knowing
Jesus calls us to follow him, not knowing the details of our future, but having his promise to be with us, care for us, guide and transform us.
When Jesus first saved me, I had to quit my rock band. I thought I’d never have any social life or fun again, but figured that Jesus created friendship and fun, and that he was capable of giving me new friends and a new life. And eventually he gave me more friends and greater joy than I’d ever known in the band.
Where is Jesus calling you to go? He may not be calling you to a foreign land, but calling you to go to someone to seek reconciliation, not knowing if they’ll embrace you or slam the door in your face. Jesus may be calling you to give money to the kingdom, not knowing how you’ll pay for your tuition. He may be calling you to share the gospel with your Muslim neighbor, not knowing how he’ll respond.
Jesus may be calling you into marriage or parenthood. Buckle up.  You have no idea the adventure that lies ahead. Or Jesus may be calling you to rejoice while you have tears in your eyes. Early on in my Christian life I heard someone say that if God commands something, just trust him and obey, even if you don’t know why. If God says it, he has good reasons and untold blessings in mind.
The whole Christian life is going, not knowing.
It is obeying God’s word in faith when we can’t see over the horizon. Jesus doesn’t give us the answers to the test  in advance. It’s not for us to know the times and seasons. Though he doesn’t give us the details, he gives us the map and compass of his Word and his Spirit.  He gives us himself.  And if we have Jesus, that’s all we need. We go with the one who’s our portion and fountain of joy.
We go by faith in a mighty, loving and infinitely wise Savior, who never disappoints but does far more than we can think, ask or imagine.
- See more at: http://www.theblazingcenter.com/2013/07/going-not-knowing.html#sthash.jr5axi8H.dpuf <!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:Times; panose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} @font-face {font-family:"ＭＳ 明朝"; panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:128; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:fixed; mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;} @font-face {font-family:"ＭＳ 明朝"; panose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0; mso-font-charset:128; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-format:other; mso-font-pitch:fixed; mso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;} @font-face {font-family:Cambria; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:auto; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"ＭＳ 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"ＭＳ 明朝"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} @page WordSection1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.WordSection1 {page:WordSection1;} -->

Faith fuels obedience

God called Abraham to leave his homeland and go, not knowing where he was going. Abraham didn’t know how long it would take to get there or what he’d do when he arrived. He didn’t know what hardships he’d face along the way or what enemies he might encounter. All Abraham had to go on was God’s promise he would receive an inheritance. His faith that God would fulfill his word fueled his obedience.

The whole Christian life is going not knowing

Jesus calls us to follow him, not knowing the details of our future, but having his promise to be with us, care for us, guide and transform us.

When Jesus first saved me, I had to quit my rock band. I thought I’d never have any social life or fun again, but figured that Jesus created friendship and fun, and that he was capable of giving me new friends and a new life. And eventually he gave me more friends and greater joy than I’d ever known in the band.

Where is Jesus calling you to go? 

He may not be calling you to a foreign land, but calling you to go to someone to seek reconciliation, not knowing if they’ll embrace you or slam the door in your face. Jesus may be calling you to give money to the kingdom, not knowing how you’ll pay for your tuition. He may be calling you to share the gospel with your Muslim neighbor, not knowing how he’ll respond.

Jesus may be calling you into marriage or parenthood. Buckle up.  You have no idea the adventure that lies ahead. Or Jesus may be calling you to rejoice while you have tears in your eyes. Early on in my Christian life I heard someone say that if God commands something, just trust him and obey, even if you don’t know why. If God says it, he has good reasons and untold blessings in mind.

The whole Christian life is going, not knowing.

It is obeying God’s word in faith when we can’t see over the horizon. Jesus doesn’t give us the answers to the test in advance. It’s not for us to know the times and seasons. Though he doesn’t give us the details, he gives us the map and compass of his Word and his Spirit.  He gives us himself.  And if we have Jesus, that’s all we need. We go with the one who’s our portion and fountain of joy.

We go by faith in a mighty, loving and infinitely wise Savior, who never disappoints but does far more than we can think, ask or imagine.

Faith fuels obedience
God called Abraham to leave his homeland and go, not knowing where he was going. Abraham didn’t know how long it would take to get there or what he’d do when he arrived. He didn’t know what hardships he’d face along the way or what enemies he might encounter. All Abraham had to go on was God’s promise he would receive an inheritance. His faith that God would fulfill his word fueled his obedience.
The whole Christian life is going not knowing
Jesus calls us to follow him, not knowing the details of our future, but having his promise to be with us, care for us, guide and transform us.
When Jesus first saved me, I had to quit my rock band. I thought I’d never have any social life or fun again, but figured that Jesus created friendship and fun, and that he was capable of giving me new friends and a new life. And eventually he gave me more friends and greater joy than I’d ever known in the band.
Where is Jesus calling you to go? He may not be calling you to a foreign land, but calling you to go to someone to seek reconciliation, not knowing if they’ll embrace you or slam the door in your face. Jesus may be calling you to give money to the kingdom, not knowing how you’ll pay for your tuition. He may be calling you to share the gospel with your Muslim neighbor, not knowing how he’ll respond.
Jesus may be calling you into marriage or parenthood. Buckle up.  You have no idea the adventure that lies ahead. Or Jesus may be calling you to rejoice while you have tears in your eyes. Early on in my Christian life I heard someone say that if God commands something, just trust him and obey, even if you don’t know why. If God says it, he has good reasons and untold blessings in mind.
The whole Christian life is going, not knowing.
It is obeying God’s word in faith when we can’t see over the horizon. Jesus doesn’t give us the answers to the test  in advance. It’s not for us to know the times and seasons. Though he doesn’t give us the details, he gives us the map and compass of his Word and his Spirit.  He gives us himself.  And if we have Jesus, that’s all we need. We go with the one who’s our portion and fountain of joy.
We go by faith in a mighty, loving and infinitely wise Savior, who never disappoints but does far more than we can think, ask or imagine.
- See more at: http://www.theblazingcenter.com/2013/07/going-not-knowing.html#sthash.jr5axi8H.dpuf

Faith fuels obedience
God called Abraham to leave his homeland and go, not knowing where he was going. Abraham didn’t know how long it would take to get there or what he’d do when he arrived. He didn’t know what hardships he’d face along the way or what enemies he might encounter. All Abraham had to go on was God’s promise he would receive an inheritance. His faith that God would fulfill his word fueled his obedience.
The whole Christian life is going not knowing
Jesus calls us to follow him, not knowing the details of our future, but having his promise to be with us, care for us, guide and transform us.
When Jesus first saved me, I had to quit my rock band. I thought I’d never have any social life or fun again, but figured that Jesus created friendship and fun, and that he was capable of giving me new friends and a new life. And eventually he gave me more friends and greater joy than I’d ever known in the band.
Where is Jesus calling you to go? He may not be calling you to a foreign land, but calling you to go to someone to seek reconciliation, not knowing if they’ll embrace you or slam the door in your face. Jesus may be calling you to give money to the kingdom, not knowing how you’ll pay for your tuition. He may be calling you to share the gospel with your Muslim neighbor, not knowing how he’ll respond.
Jesus may be calling you into marriage or parenthood. Buckle up.  You have no idea the adventure that lies ahead. Or Jesus may be calling you to rejoice while you have tears in your eyes. Early on in my Christian life I heard someone say that if God commands something, just trust him and obey, even if you don’t know why. If God says it, he has good reasons and untold blessings in mind.
The whole Christian life is going, not knowing.
It is obeying God’s word in faith when we can’t see over the horizon. Jesus doesn’t give us the answers to the test  in advance. It’s not for us to know the times and seasons. Though he doesn’t give us the details, he gives us the map and compass of his Word and his Spirit.  He gives us himself.  And if we have Jesus, that’s all we need. We go with the one who’s our portion and fountain of joy.
We go by faith in a mighty, loving and infinitely wise Savior, who never disappoints but does far more than we can think, ask or imagine.
- See more at: http://www.theblazingcenter.com/2013/07/going-not-knowing.html#sthash.jr5axi8H.dpuf

Comfort zone...what's that?

Uncomfortable...that's how I've been feeling lately, also inadequate. The more I think about going to work in an orphanage with children the more my heart rate gets going. If I don't have to work in nursery at church I don't. I somewhat enjoy children, but my interaction with them is very limited. I have worked more with teens and know how to relate to them. I'm nervous about this....yet I know God wants me to do this, so I will follow.

I'm not a teacher, the thought almost gives me hives. I've been there, done that, have no desire to do it again. I still don't know what I'll be doing at the orphanage. I do know that ever since this idea was given to me by God, that I must do it, so I will follow. 

Obedience to Christ is following after Him....and doing what He says to do. This is no different. He told me to go to an orphanage, I did the research, He led me to the right one. If He led me specifically to this one orphanage out of the MANY I looked at and applied to, then what else can I do but follow. 

Since starting to write this post I have received an e-mail from Amani Baby Cottage. I still don't know specifics of what I'll be doing, but the orphanage has a great relationship with local ministries and possibly and at least once a week I will go volunteer my time and talents at these places. Wow - talk about exciting!!! I'm thrilled that God would find me even minimally qualified to do this for Him and His glory. 

I feel like in this time of my life I am really stepping out of my comfort zone. It's happened before, God has completely taken care of me along the way. So, why would this be any different. It's often during these times when we are at our most comfortable that there's a nudge to get out. These are the times that I'm growing more in God than if I were comfortable....kind of like right now. I know I'm growing in my relationship with Jesus, but I don't feel like I'm being pushed to Him. That time is coming and as nerve racking as it is, I can't wait for it. 

Come along with me as I journey far away from my comfort zone!

What's really coming out?

The first week of June is already gone....what?! The end of this school year was the busiest one I have ever gone through....and I'm so thankful it's over with. The Lord sent many trials my way that the only way I got through them were with His strength and grace alone. It was not me!!!! I finally got around to asking my doctor about vaccinations and stuff I'll need to get before I can go to Uganda and today I was supposed to call the traveling clinic...did I remember? Of course not. That's been my life lately. I am an organized person...but with the way this school year ended, I feel as if I've lost a little bit of my brain!

Psalm 34 has really become dear to me:

I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth. 
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad. 
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

Everything that happens is for a reason - all things work for our good to make us more like Christ. Why then, when something doesn't go my way is my immediate reaction to complain or grumble? Sin, yes, I know....but how I wish that after how many years of being saved I would be over this stage. I've been noticing a lot lately when people complain....and not liking it. I have to keep asking myself, is that what I sound like? Am I turning others' hearts away from God? Oh man, heaven forbid!!! 

This Psalm almost became a mantra this past month and a half. I could tell when I wasn't meditating on it....my thoughts and words slipped back into the "old" me and my ways. Life isn't meant to be easy. If it was, then how would we grow closer to our ever loving God?! As a born again believer, I will suffer...whether at the hands of this world or at the hands of other Christians. It will happen. It's what I put into my heart and mind that will gauge my reactions to this suffering that is promised to come. 

As I finish my time here in Hawaii and look with great anticipation of going to Uganda, may this Psalm continue to be on my lips because I do want to bless the Lord at all times...having His praise come forth!!!