It has been amazing seeing how God has orchestrated everything in my life in the last several months leading up to me coming to Amani. Now that I’m here, I’m asking myself…what now? I believe I had glorified working in an orphanage…when it’s not, especially with the babies. A typical day for me is going down to the nursery, playing with the babies until it’s time to feed, feed them milk, play with them some more until it’s time to feed again, feed them lunch, play with them until they get a bath and go down for a nap. In the afternoon I play with them until they are fed again…and then I’m normally off to do something with the older children.
This schedule can get tedious. I’m not complaining about it at all. I just thought I’d feel more used – I came on this volunteer trip and here I am to serve, see? Selfish indeed! It’s a slap in the face to those I’m ministering to. They don’t see the inner struggles I have. The mamas see someone come give of their time and energy to serve not only the children but them as well.
I went to a “bush” village this week. When we walked into the pastor’s house, the first thing I saw on their wall was a saying that God is faithful to me, so I need to be faithful in what He’s given me to do (more or less). Here’s a family who sleeps on the floor, does not have plumbing, spent at least 2 hours preparing a meal to share with us and what did I do in return? I played with the school kids, had an inner struggle because I was sweating running around, was put in front of a class not knowing a thing to teach them thinking – are we done yet? Spoiled brat I am!
I’m incredibly humbled by God’s faithfulness to me. His patience is beyond anything I can imagine. I’m thankful He is putting me in my place. This morning I read Romans 9. Verse 17 says, “For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, ‘For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.’” Pharaoh was just an instrument of God. He did what God wanted him to do. I am just an instrument of God. I am doing exactly what God wants me to do. I don’t know what purpose He has for what I’m doing, but it’s for His glory, not mine. God made me, who am I to question Him about what He wants me to do or why I don’t feel as if I’m making an impact. It’s not about me! In this chapter it likens that to a vessel asking the master potter why he was made like that.
I know you were probably expecting me to write all about the fun things I’m doing. I will get there, but this has been pressing on me all week long. Praise God for His patience with me and faithfulness to me while I trudge through the battles of my soul. Praise God for His victory over sin and this world!!!
And now, after all that heart heaviness, here’s a little cuteness to lighten the mood!
|Meet my little man Joel|