What's going on in my head....

I have been struggling with being here at the orphanage. I have looked at tickets to come home early on more than one occasion. A feeling of restlessness has overcome me often. I thought I had no expectations coming into my trip, but I was very wrong.

I was reading in Psalms today and read Psalm 23. It’s a very familiar passage to any and everyone. It’s one that I tend to go quickly through…until today. After reading through it, I went back and reread verse five again. I decided to go online and find commentary that explains that verse more thoroughly. What I didn’t expect was to get “hung up” on verse one. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.” I was reading Charles Spurgeon’s exposition on this chapter found here. Here are a few things that struck me dead between the eyes:

1. He (David) compares himself to a creature weak, defenseless, and foolish, and he takes God to be his Provider, Preserver, Director, and, indeed, his everything.

2. If he (the Lord) be a Shepherd to no one else, he is a Shepherd to me; he cares for me, watches over me, and preserves me. The words are in the present tense. Whatever the believer’s position, he is even now under the pastoral care of Jehovah.

3. I shall not want for spirituals, I know that his grace will be sufficient for me. Resting in him he will say to me, “As thy day so shall thy strength be.”

I cannot tell you why this has been hard for me. I know there is a spiritual battle going on and I am incredibly grateful that God is on the throne and He will prevail! I am not lacking for anything right now. God's grace is sufficient...and exactly what I need every. single. day.

It's been difficult not focusing on the same thing day in and day out. I am loving on these babies...and I love doing it. I need to focus on God and the cross instead of my circumstances. This can happen anywhere and as a believer I know it's happened before. It happened to me when I was in Hawaii. The grass is greener concept. Except for the fact that I don't have any green grass to go back to so to speak. What is 3 months compared to eternity? Absolutely nothing!

I have decided to stay the full 3 months. God is at work in my life. I don't know what will come of my staying and how God will work, but I know that by staying I'm not only allowing for blessings that otherwise would be withheld but I'm growing closer to my Lord.

This has been a hard post to write as my thoughts about this are so jumbled. The few I've sought wisdom from have had to bear with me while trying to sort my thoughts out. God bless them!!! God bless you for reading this messy post! Please keep me in your prayers - for grace, strength, humility, courage, and peace as I continue loving my babies.

Me and Eric chilling - he was kind of clingy to me that day and I didn't mind a bit.